Newsflash: local blogger threatens to punch michael grant in the face if monster isn’t about domestic life and ‘the monster’ isn’t patrick eating that pizza pocket lana wanted all weekend
sorcerer's/philosopher's stone: james and lily die off camera. sirius is arrested off camera. peter is a dick off camera. remus is alone off camera. 0/10
chamber of secrets: no mention whatsover lmao wtf??? -10/10
prisoner of azkaban: the bible. beautiful writing. excellent scene-setting. "embraced black like a brother." "we'll see each other again you are truly your father's son harry." really quite something. 100/10
goblet of fire: remus is entirely absent. sirius is at his literal best as a parent figure. peter is a dick, this time on camera. overall, 7/10
order of the phoenix: remus, whether reluctantly or not, joins the union of Adults Denying Traumatized Harry Any Answers. however, remus is again present. lots of sirius's tragic backstory, but this coincides with sirius at his literal worst as a parent figure. lots of info in snape's worst memory, but nobody but lily is at their best in that scene. peter is a dick off camera. also sirius dies, which kind of sucks. overall 6/10
half-blood prince: remus is having a terrible time, but ultimately finds love (however much of a shoehorn that is). several missed opportunities to bond with harry through grief, though. peter is a dick off camera. 5/10
deathly hallows: lol. 0/10.
chamber of secrets: no mention whatsover lmao wtf??? -10/10
prisoner of azkaban: the bible. beautiful writing. excellent scene-setting. "embraced black like a brother." "we'll see each other again you are truly your father's son harry." really quite something. 100/10
goblet of fire: remus is entirely absent. sirius is at his literal best as a parent figure. peter is a dick, this time on camera. overall, 7/10
order of the phoenix: remus, whether reluctantly or not, joins the union of Adults Denying Traumatized Harry Any Answers. however, remus is again present. lots of sirius's tragic backstory, but this coincides with sirius at his literal worst as a parent figure. lots of info in snape's worst memory, but nobody but lily is at their best in that scene. peter is a dick off camera. also sirius dies, which kind of sucks. overall 6/10
half-blood prince: remus is having a terrible time, but ultimately finds love (however much of a shoehorn that is). several missed opportunities to bond with harry through grief, though. peter is a dick off camera. 5/10
deathly hallows: lol. 0/10.
you: wylan van eck
me, an intellectual: wylan van sunshine